BIG NEWS: I have been hired by the Trump transition team to solicit and fill the position of: Trump Nanny. As you are no doubt aware, Trump's handlers took away his Twitter account in the waning days of the election. The purpose, of course, was to prevent him from sharing his uncensored thoughts with all his minion followers and entertaining 75% and alarming the remaining 25%. It worked. He was restrained from shooting himself in the mouth…I mean foot, and he got elected.
With that in mind as the gold standard of candidate management, I have been asked to recruit and select the individual who will be fulfilling a similar function in the Trump Administration. The Trumpsters (his family and other close associates) have made the decision that a Brit should be the official "what he really meant to say" spokesperson. That decision is based on the empirical fact that Americans find the British more intelligent than themselves, even when repeating the very same verbiage as the token American. Should I select you as the Trump Nanny, you will be whisked away to the Trump Tower in Manhattan where you will be manacled by an eight foot gold chain to President Donald's wrist. No formal training is necessary as it is universally known that any person of British lineage is smarter than The Donald and can speak in whole sentences. You must sign a confidential agreement; what happens in Trumpland stays in Trumpland. Pay and benefits to be determined but I can promise there will be free range groping.
Please submit all applications to: http:Ican'tbelieveI'msellingoutlikethis.com. All applications that include a picture of you standing next to the Queen will get special consideration.
Thank you for your interest.
Special Envoy to His Excellency, the Trumpster
PS [*'popping a cap in somebody's m*th*rf*ck*ng ass' (did I get that right, JP?).] Absolutely correct, youngeap. Your application is on the top of the pile.