Enter the Honourable Judge's favourite tavern for a dram of Tittle Tattle. There's an ancient bandit in the corner, but I forget his name...
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badpenny
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Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby badpenny » Thu Nov 01, 2012 2:56 pm

Mr P isn’t the only one to get an award unexpectedly.
Last night, actually early this morning around 02.30 I earned my Dozy Old Fart Badge.
This is a cautionary tale for anyone collecting slots in Lincoln.
Being Halloween one might be expected to bump into ghosts and ghouls down the pub, but I was thrilled to spot out the bedroom window a Zombie aged about 17 lurching his way through the contents of my van.
Having taken a liking to my Makita boxed Drill and a couple of other trinkets that he’d stumbled across he promenaded off in no particular hurry. It’s likely the weight he was carrying slowed him down somewhat; for I had time to get dressed, go to the toilet and consider another coffee before departing in order to chat with him.
Leaving Sally to phone The Rozzers I followed him down the road as he continued molesting car door handles. As he needed to put my tool box down each time I soon caught up with him.
What happened next applies equally to collectors of Allwins and Pintables.
Retrieving my gear from the pavement where he’d plonked it whilst he wrestled with a Ford Fiesta I attracted his attention by cordially greeting him.
“Excuse me young sir, I am aware we have never dined together and therefore we have not been formally introduced. Allow me to remedy that situation, I am the sad bastard whose van you’ve just turned over and so long as it’s ok with you I’m relieving you of my electric drill as it’s how I earn my living and I’m not ecstatic at the thought of buying another one”

Anyhoo I’m sure that’s how I described it the 12 year old copper that responded to Sally’s nine double nine shout simply lots of hours later, and after I'd spent three and a half hours leaking blood over the floor of Accident & Emergency. So we’ll leave it at that version.

The description I gave was quite detailed.
He was about 17, white, one of the living dead and has atikaM embossed on the side of his face. He can also demonstrate a fair turn of speed.

The Constable asked me if I’d identify him in a line up parade.

Of course I could
I merrily confirmed, so long as his face is painted in make-up to resemble a Hollywood Zombie, I’d know him anywhere, especially if the others were dressed to look like other Film Characters, perhaps E.T. a couple of Storm Troopers and a random selection of Disney Characters would suffice.

Sadly he wasn’t optimistic of an outcome.

Today I went to Spec Saver Express Vision – new glasses in under an hour – rock bottom prices – and special deals. It seems those deals didn't apply to me; but the good news is that for a mere £400 I can have replacements in probably a couple to three weeks. The biggest issue is the measurements and shape of my face today.
Hopefully they'll be different by then.
The little scrote didn't break my glasses by the way, the police did when they arrived and parked their Jam Sandwich Car on top of them!

Now what was Mr Peterson asking about GB and it's long term destination recently?

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john t peterson
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby john t peterson » Thu Nov 01, 2012 7:24 pm

BP,

Your tale alarms and amuses me (appropriately, I hope) at the same time. As terrible as the event was, apparently no one was killed which might have well been the case had the same thing happened here in GunCity, USA. Here in the US, it's normally the criminals who are armed, not the law abiders. That is changing as well. It is much easier now to get a concealed weapons permit in most states than ever before and a good portion of the public is responding to the opportunity. As a consequence, rather than curb crime, we now have shoot-outs during road rage incidents where formerly only bent metal was the outcome; we've added coffins and prison time to our obsession with the automobile.

Britain is not the only country experiencing a tidal wave of change, and I'm not thinking Sandy either.

I hope your love of humanity was not also a victim. From the tone of your post, that does not seem to be the case.

Best regards,

J Peterson
American Gunslinger !!BANGBANG!!

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jimmy55
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby jimmy55 » Thu Nov 01, 2012 7:39 pm

A Halloween to stretch even BP's sense of humour beyond breaking point! Sorry to hear about your night from hell. Lets hope said Yoof gets caught and serves the full 30 minutes community service he is likely to get sentenced to. You will no doubt be rewarded with 45p from the victim compensation funds ( less legal expenses ).
Bad luck BP sorry to hear your news.

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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby andydotp » Fri Nov 02, 2012 3:57 am

Ah,, shit BP.
Hope you're OK.
Hopefully the little drongo will get what's coming - and sometime soon.
Best regs for a speedy recovery.
a.p

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badpenny
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby badpenny » Fri Nov 02, 2012 1:31 pm

Thanks for the kind words chaps.
It was my fault though as SWMBO points out.
As JTP said much crazier things happen in crazier places.
Dunblane was a turning point in the history of this country but was also a knee jerk reaction to a tragedy. Until that point very few weapons used in criminal activity were unknown to the authorities. Having banned handguns they're all unregulated and underground without a clue as to how many there are. So who knows where we're headed, usually what happens Stateside we copy within a few years.

The realisation that I now live in a country where if a scrote wants my property the official line is to hand it over, smile and forget about it I'm going to find a hard call. However the chat over tea and biscuits with the nice bobby that turned up to take a statement was quite clear about what I should and shouldn't have done. Interestingly there was quite a slant on "And what did you take with you when you left the house? ........ Who hit whom first?...... you say he only used his fists and feet, what did you hit him with?" dirtdog ................ Yeah Right!

Currently I'm hobbling and have lost my slot on T.V.s Strictly Come Dancing due to his stomping on my calf muscle. I think though the biggest irritation is he's spoilt my Boyish Good Looks.
utf-8BSU1HMDAzMDktMjAxMjExMDItMTI0Mi5qcGc.jpg
BEFORE THE EVENT ..........
Sean-OPry-Viktor-Rolf-Spicebomb-01.jpg
AFTER THE EVENT ............
Please keep posting your sympathies and any food you might have.

Badpenny

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slotalot
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby slotalot » Fri Nov 02, 2012 2:43 pm

Hi Jeremy, that quite a shiner you have there :oops:
Not a lot of comfort but, a few years ago two young brothers from our estate, who most people call “Ronnie & Reggie” because at that time they were little b******s. Anyway, they decided to dismantle part of my back fence - they needed firewood for late night barbecue & booze up??? And my fence was handy as most others near me still had privet hedges. I think, at the time, they were about 13 years old and their mother was out for the night, and no dad in residence! So I thought the best thing to do was to take some photos of them at work and go round next morning to see the mother, and ask her who was going to stand the cost of the repairs. The lads even said it was them that did it. All I got out of the mother was a string of words, most of them foul, so of course I gave her as good as I got and told her to keep them under control. I went home thinking that was that. Not so, less than an hour later two bobbies turned up at my door in full battle dress! 'Good' I thought, now I might get some action.... Not so! The first Bobbie made his opening speech, which went something like... 'We have had a complaint from the lady up the street'. “LADY!!” 'She says you have been round to her door making threats about her children'. 'Yes', I said, 'have you seen the damage they have done to my fence?' 'How do you know it was them?' 'Look, I took some photos of them whilst they were doing it'. 'You shouldn’t be taking photos of people without their consent, and anyway they are not very clear so it could be anyone'. 'But they admitted it when I went to see their mother'. 'That is why we are here, they have told us they had nothing to do with it and you shouldn’t have gone round there demanding money, you should have called for us' . 'OK, you are here now, so what are you going to do about it?' 'Well, it comes down to your word against theirs, so without any witnesses I am afraid there is not a lot we can do it this stage, other than keeping an eye on the situation, we are not going to take any action against you this time but please don’t go round there again.'
And at that they jumped into their car and went.
I have to say that I slept a lot sounder in my bed that night knowing I was being protected by our boys in blue... :dammit:

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badpenny
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby badpenny » Fri Nov 02, 2012 5:45 pm

Oh well Stuart if they put us in adjoining cells at least we can talk slots.

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jimmy55
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby jimmy55 » Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:14 pm

Comforting to know how much better things will be with a new elected Police Commissioner though SkEpTiCaL

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slotalot
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby slotalot » Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:20 pm

badpenny wrote:Oh well Stuart if they put us in adjoining cells at least we can talk slots.
Thats a good idea !!IDEA!! you mean like the Defiant Ones?... do you want to be Tony Curtis or Sidney Poitier??? !!HYSTERIA!!

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badpenny
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Re: Today's yoof ... cheeky rascals eh?

Postby badpenny » Fri Nov 02, 2012 7:54 pm

As Woody Allen said ....
I don't believe in reincarnation, but if it is real I'd like to come back as Warren Beatty's fingers.

And when it comes to elected Police Commissioners, I've scrutinised their Job Specification with my scruto - scope and for the life of me I can't see the point.
Responsibility with bugger all authority springs to mind.
I don't think you have to ponder about it to see the desired outcome for the government.

The civil unrest and lawlessness in the country today is nothing to do with us or our cutbacks, we gave you what you wanted. The decision makers are the Commissioners that you elected.

They did the same in The NHS a few years back when they introduced The Primary Care Trusts and ...... wait for it ...... yes you've guessed it ..... Commissioners!
Because that didn't work, they're now trying to remove that level and give GPs the Business Manager role.
I don't know about you, but I want my doctor thinking about my health issues and not budgets.

As for the Rozzers I want them out on the street putting fear up scrotes and not worrying how many miles they've done in the Area Car tonight. Or drowning in a sea of paperwork.
Lincolnshire is the second largest County in UK. My ride in an ambulance Halloween night taught me that there is one ambulance in Grimsby one in Market Raisen and four for the city of Lincoln which also have to cover the rest of the county!!!

We're stuffed !!!!!


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