This country is so stuffed!

Enter the Honourable Judge's favourite tavern for a dram of Tittle Tattle. There's an ancient bandit in the corner, but I forget his name...
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operator bell
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by operator bell »

Oh, come now, it isn't as bad as all that. The banks and bond traders are still doing OK, aren't they? Fortnum and Masons is still open? Stringfellows still pretty crowded? And I don't see any high-class jewelers or Ferrari dealerships on that list. Besides, these energy-sucking high street stores would have to close anyway in a few years, when Britain's electricity production is cut by 80% to meet EU carbon emission standards and the cost goes up to two pounds a kW.hr.
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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!PRAY!! Phew ..... that is a relief! Thanks OB
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coppinpr
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by coppinpr »

Oh, come now, it isn't as bad as all that. The banks and bond traders are still doing ok, aren't they? Fortnum and Masons is still open? Stringfellows still pretty crowded? And I don't see any high-class jewelers or Ferrari dealerships on that list
The bankers and bond traders are doing OK but not the banks and trading houses (now there is a surprise). Fortnums are, unbelievably, owned by Primart, the cheapest clothing chain in the UK. They bought Fortnums as a tax loss and it's done its job by losing money every year for the last ten years. There are no Ferrari dealerships in the UK. Ferrari rents space in other dealerships. My wife is a jeweler and the trade consists mostly in buying scrap gold rather than selling new items and NO ONE who is anyone would be seen dead in Stringfellows :o
We do have Wonga.com so no one needs to go short of money @&@
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operator bell
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by operator bell »

Shoot, you leave a country for 25 years and they go and change everything. Fortnums owned by a chain store?!? Where does the Queen buy her groceries these days, then?
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bryans fan
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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Lidl and Poundland!
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slotalot
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by slotalot »

Operator Bell wrote: Where does the Queen buy her groceries these days, then?
She has quite a big garden at the back of the palace, she could grow her own :D
Well that's my nighthood for sevices to vintage slot machines out of the window :oops:
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coppinpr
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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You can still have the nighthood, it's a thing muggers wear after dark in Brixton. It's the knighthood that might be out of your reach :lol:
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by badpenny »

coppinpr wrote:
.......................... and NO ONE who is anyone would be seen dead in Stringfellows :o .................
That's why I didn't see you there on Wrinklies' Night last Tuesday!
slotalot wrote: Well that's my nighthood for sevices to vintage slot machines out of the window :oops:

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slotalot
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by slotalot »

Well done Pike!! ...I wondered who would be first to spot that.
But how did you know it was me?
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youngerap
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by youngerap »

This will make you laugh. Just been in touch with the passport office. I applied for a renewal form a couple of weeks ago and so far have not received it. Spent 10 minutes getting through the crappy telephone menu system and then being transferred to the right department, just to be told that "the computer system failed and has not been printing the completed forms". I asked if they are now going to print the thing and was told that no, the computer no longer holds the data. I have to log on and try again or they can send a form by second class mail. Send it by mail, I said, because I cannot trust their crappy computer system. She actually said that would be her recommendation too, as the computer system is appalling! But all will be well later this year, because they have a new one coming. 'Good luck with that' was my response. 'We are going to need it' she said. This country is so stuffed.
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operator bell
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by operator bell »

Oh, I see things haven't changed that much during my absence.
The coalition government’s just announced salary cuts for police officers after giving a tax cut for top earning bankers and calling for a 32% payrise for MPs.
Here's a link to a satirical article about it. If your ISP is 3UK, you can't read it, sorry. They're thinking of the children (you).
http://tompride.wordpress.com/2013/01/1 ... d-skivers/
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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Thanks OP B I enjoyed that and it's now bookmarked for further visiting.

Today has proven to be one of those wonderful moments in life when reality outstrips satire and imaginative humour.

Laugh number one.
I lifted this from The BBC News site ........

Illegal immigrants fleeing Britain are paying criminal gangs to smuggle them out of the UK, the BBC's Panorama programme has found.

The migrants are charged as much as £1,500 for the chance to be taken to mainland Europe.

Some want to try their luck elsewhere in the EU.


We are so stuffed even those who don't pay taxes , ignore motor insurance, fill up and drive off and fill their pockets before walking out of shops; can't afford to live here and are paying money to get out! You couldn't write a funnier sit-com for TV.

I know some may be itching to reply celebrating this exodus and don't misunderstand me anything that deters shysters and leaches is good news to me. And rats deserting sinking ships etc. is a valid comment, however what could possibly be more indicative of the title of this thread than illegal immigrants paying to get out?

Today's laugh number two.
When I revisited The BBC site to get The URL in order to add a link, I saw the Government Spin Doctors had insulted our collective intelligence by getting the BBC to insert the following ..............
The government said it is because they are cracking down on organised immigration crime.
Oh?... of course that's why they'll be paying to get out ....... yeah right!

I distinctly remember Maslow's Hierachy of Needs saying that an individual's fundamental requirements are Warmth, Food, Drink, Sleep and I believe Sex and Pooping were in there as well, how remiss of Maslow to overlook A piece of paper that says I can live here as being a basic essential?

Going to keep me smiling all day this one............ if only I had fifteen hundred sovs ...... I could go with them.

Jreemy
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coppinpr
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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if only I had fifteen hundred sovs ...... I could go with them
you could go to Australia where coronets grow on trees (ive been told) on the down side though, i recently read that of the 6 most poisonous animals on the planet Austraila has .............all of them !SQUID! oh and there are other problems xX><Xx
no offence andy, its just that is snowing here and its not there :cry:
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slotalot
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by slotalot »

Hi Andy,
just in case you don’t know what snow looks like, !PUZZLED!
here if the view taken from my bedroom window here in deepest Yorkshire just 2 minutes ago....
and that’s another reason to leave this country!!! !!BRRRR!!
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

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According to Giggle .......

6 Most Poisonous Animals In the World

1.) Poison Dart Frog
2.) Blue-Ring Octopus
3.) Stonefish
4.) Inland Taipan
5.) Box Jellyfish
6.) Brazilian Wandering Spider

Well I reckon that one of those has wandered off and is clearly lost.
Another one only needs his dart taken off him.
Nobody's told me the colour of my ring so why upset him?
I never eat fish, in fact I firmly refuse to eat anything that swims in its own pee and poo.
Don't go inland
Keep the box closed!

Job jobbed!
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by badpenny »

The reason the road outside Stuart's house is so deserted has nothing to do with the weather.

It's more to do with the way he takes photographs regardless of how many minutes ago!
When Elaine heard he wanted a flash camera for Xmas she misunderstood.
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slotalot
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by slotalot »

Some mate you are dirtdog
You told me you had burnt all the negatives!!! :oops:
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badpenny
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by badpenny »

Nope still got this one ........

Neg.jpg

PS How much Blu Tack did you use keeping that card in place?
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jimmy55
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by jimmy55 »

It's frozen in place!
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slotalot
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Re: This country is so stuffed!

Post by slotalot »

badpenny wrote:PS How much Blu Tack did you use keeping that card in place?
not a lot!!! :oops:
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