Enter the Honourable Judge's favourite tavern for a dram of Tittle Tattle. There's an ancient bandit in the corner, but I forget his name...
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Laugh? I thought I'd never start!

Postby badpenny » Thu Feb 14, 2013 7:10 pm

Having sent in my Self Assessment to HMRC, they emailed me (via non reply address) to joyfully inform me I owed them £811.42.

No explanation, no attempt to open discourse, just pay it.

I phoned them on the only number they let the public have (premium number of course), having listened to various robots quoting FAQ (none of which met my need) I was delighted when !!ESCAPE!! quick as a flash I was talking to a human in a mere 48 minutes.

I told him my sorry story and he he explained in great detail .......
"I only take payments and can not explain anything about how tax is worked out" He shared with me.
He went on to advise me .......
"It's funny but most people calling here think I know all the answers or I can change decisions" I felt so much more relieved.
"Who does know the answers?" I unreasonably challenged.
After only 14 verses of Greensleeves played at the bottom of a well; he came back and suggested I write in with my query. Unless I just wanted to pay it, as he could handle that for me.

I declined his kind offer as I am known for my lack of enthusiasm to shell out immense numbers of English Pounds to any old Tom, Dick or Governmental Department merely 'cos they think I should.
He seemed surprised, but we said goodbye to each other and I went off to write my letter and I imagine he spoke to some other poor baffled bastard.

My letter was posted a fortnight before the due date of Jan 31 and detailed all the evidence and reasons why I couldn't possibly owe them a penny and requested a reason.

Today I got a letter back from them. I was finally satisfied they had taken the time and trouble to read, understand and advise me where they had made their mistake. In plain English it apologised and told me......
Final Demand
You have not paid the £811.42. you owe.
It was due for payment Feb 01 you also now owe us 5% a day interest.

So that was a relief and no mistake.
I thought it was time I ran up my mobile phone bill a bit more, and rang Jimmy in Cumbernauld again, perhaps he'd been on a course since we last spoke and understood a bit more about tax.
He hadn't, so consequently didn't, however I think he got worn down by me waffling through my tears of frustration and took pity on me.

"I see from your records that you've written in ....." He confided in me.
"It's got code UP/11/12 against the amount" He whispered knowingly.
"Ah, has it? Suddenly all appears clear" I could picture as both nodding sagely.

I pointed out that although I understood all of the words he was using individually, as a sentence it might just as well be instructions for growing a radio controlled Marrow.
It seemed they had under-estimated my tax for 11/12 to the said tune. Yes it was their fault, no I hadn't done anything wrong except not paying it back when they so generously invited me to. After all it was their money that I had enjoyed the benefit of enjoying, but now was time to be miserable about it.
And "Oh by the way, we think we probably did the same for year 10/11, so we'll be looking at that shortly"

So all's well that ends well eh?
:shock: :!: !OMFG! !!GRUMP!! :NBG: :didact: dirtdog !!RANT!! :!!!: :evil:

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Re: Laugh? I thought I'd never start!

Postby treefrog » Thu Feb 14, 2013 9:35 pm

It's my job sir.... :dammit:

I have never understood the reasons they randomly ask people who are not self employed to do tax returns, but my first experience of these was about 8 years ago, 3 years on the trot. Each time I owed a small amount that they adjusted in my tax codes to pay if off. Problem is they have been messing with my tax codes for the last 5 years since, sometimes changing them 3 times a year. Have never understood the logic and not complained as I do not understand anyway.

Was asked suddenly to do tax return again for last year and like most people I left it to the 30th January to do online (thought the last day would be just too risky)....Had done online before, but this time, my god they have improved the system. It took me about 15 minutes to complete and on top of that straight away they tell you what you owe or are owed. For the first time in my life, it appeared I had overpaid, maybe something to do with the dozens of changes they kept making and they told me they owed me £1300......wooohoooooo @&@ Within 5 days the money was in my bank.

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Re: Laugh? I thought I'd never start!

Postby andydotp » Fri Feb 15, 2013 4:47 am

Oooooohhh, don't get me started on income tax!! :evil: :evil:
As a full time employee my tax is deducted at source, weekly, yet I get a tax demand of $2,600 PA because I don't have private health insurance.
Hence, haven't lodged a return for the past three years so come July 1st I'll be up for about $10k !!RANT!! That I don't have.
And the doctor charges for service per visit (part refunded by Medicare) but the dentist earns another down payment on the latest Ferrari every time I open me mouth!!
Not Happy Either BP.

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Re: Laugh? I thought I'd never start!

Postby badpenny » Fri Feb 15, 2013 10:33 am

Andy .... I'm all for dentists driving the latest Ferrari, with any luck they'll end up going through the windscreen and then relying on one of their colleagues to relocate their teeth from the parcel shelf.
No apologies to any Dentists on the forum, or Tax Inspectors when it comes to it.

TF ..... Tom me old fruit, if I'd known I was contributing to your Refund then I wouldn't have even waited to hear the amount and would have posted it straight to you.

I merely consider it a down payment on what I owe you for allowing your lad to fly me like a kite as he towed me for two laps of the car park a couple of months ago. I hadn't laughed so much in ages I swear I could hear him muttering ......
where'smedad ...... where'smedad ...... where'smedad ...... where'smedad ...... ????????

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Re: Laugh? I thought I'd never start!

Postby coppinpr » Fri Feb 15, 2013 6:27 pm

being self employed I have the honor of getting my tax guessed at by the tax office a year in advance, thanks to the resesion my accountant tells me last Sept the tax office got it wrong and not to pay the second instalment in Dec or ANYTHING FOR THE NEXT YEAR !!YIPPEE!! so im not saying too much :!?!:

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