Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering

Enter the Honourable Judge's favourite tavern for a dram of Tittle Tattle. There's an ancient bandit in the corner, but I forget his name...
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badpenny
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Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering

Post by badpenny »

How many of you have observed that vans today have a gear change resembling an umbrella handle sticking out of the glove box?

Yes JC, I know you did point this out to me just after I handed over my shiny shillings.
Gone are the days of a manly piece of cast iron proudly thrusting its way up out of the floor resembling a piece of Victorian engineering awaiting Fred Dibner to either climb it or rub it with an oily rag.

My first vehicle was a Triumph Herald which as a spotty 17 year old I spent many a satisfying Sunday afternoon sitting on its front wheel fine tuning the performance with a hair grip and a nail file. The principle upon which it worked was nothing more complicated than suck, squeeze, bang, blow. If a part of it no matter how trivial needed to move in harmony with the rest of it then be sure that it happened because a case hardened rod, cam, bearing or lever had been entrusted to ensure it would and at the optimum time.

Nowadays a magnet or light cell sends a message via electronics to one of numerous micro chips that then sends another instruction back to the bit next to the magnet telling it to do something ........ perhaps! Now don't get me wrong I'm no Luddite. after all we know how exceptionally trustworthy computers are cough cough.

You can't stop progress you know, and today progress means that we now run the most critical part of our engines on a rubber band! The likes of which needs replacing exactly some thousand miles, however you can't tell its condition nor if it was done like the bloke you're buying it from says it was ...... "honest guv". Oh and while you're having it changed just in case, you're best to put new tensioners in and a new water pump, after all they are cheap aren't they.
Mind you it's unlikely you'll be scratching your teeth and sucking your hair over these issues as unless you've a modem and an eight year old to work it it's unlikely you'll be able to mend it yourself anyway. You might think the actual repair is sufficient to get you back on the road burning fuel at roughly the same price as whisky but you'd be wrong, for somebody needs to tell the onboard management system that the part has been replaced and it's now safe to allow it to run beyond "limp home" mode as well as cancelling the pinball effect that's going on across your dashboard.

You'll notice there that I said replaced and not repaired? That's because garage chappies don't repair any more they just fit new bits. So it's unlikely they'll know why it failed in the first place, simply that it did. If you're lucky they'll be able to tell you "S'a common fault wiv these .... stupid design" Which if nothing else should avoid you feeling picked on.

So what's with the umbrella handle gear change I can hear you all shouting on the edge of your seats with indifference.
Well, stand by for this one, you're going to be really impressed.
The old sticky out of the floor type gear change foolishly connected onto the top of the gearbox and was an integral part of the selector fork that moved the coggy shaped doobries around.
How foolish; I know you're thinking, what on earth made them think that idea would last a mere hundred years?

Thank goodness they came to their senses and made the current system where a short plastic rod makes the gears change by pulling cables.

Yup CABLES! Brilliant, I mean they won't stretch or break will they? It's foolproof, cables hanging around under a van in all weathers are never going to get wet and dirty causing them to stick are they?

After I've thrown away all my hard earned shillings in having them swapped I shall enter a Popeye look a like contest because my arms resemble inverted hams hanging from the ceiling of a Spanish bar.

I'm not sure how much more patience I can drum up for this KPI, Quality Procedure, Just in Time driven world that has never heard of common sense and couldn't be less interested in lessons learnt from the past.

Stop the world I want to get off please.

BP
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jimmy55
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Re: Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering.

Post by jimmy55 »

I share your pain BP

I did have a brief period where I used to lease new vans for my business ( Mitsubishi vans at that time ) which in honesty were fairly crude bits of kit but did last a long time if properly looked after but I hated the 'main dealer' service catch where you have to pay through the nose for 3 years only to be told your warranty was void if you went 500 miles over the service interval. Now due to financial constraints rely on sub £2K secondhand cars that I hope see me through a few years till they expire. I think more cars get written off through faulty electronics than broken engines( an airbag warning light is enough for a £500 bill and a terminal MOT failure ).

Where will the classic cars of the future be? Even the cars that an 18 year old can aspire to. Its a fast changing world ...and not one thats going to be easy for the 'cash strapped' who cant change for a new car every 3 years !!RANT!!

As a motorcyclist BP ....did you know that this years 'Pikes Peak' hillclimb in the US was won by ........AN ELECTRIC BIKE :shock: beating Ducatis finest that normally win. So that will be the end of your mechanical worries because there will be no more internal combustion and gear changes to worry about!

(PS ....what van are you driving now with all those cables?/)
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badpenny
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Re: Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering.

Post by badpenny »

The all encompassing Fiat Ducato which with different badges on is also called a Peugeot Nosepicker and the Citroen Arsescratcher. However even the Ford Tranny and The Mercedes Munchkin also embrace this marvellous innovation in some of their models so there's no getting away from it ........

...... unless I suppose you take part in an American hill climb it seems.
jonesthegarage
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Re: Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering.

Post by jonesthegarage »

in keeping with the forum tradition of tangents which almost never return to the original subject I am doubtful but hopeful that Peugeot and Citreon could find BP a spot on their marketing teams. However his poetic way reminded me of the alternate name of the Ford Cortina which some of you may remember was the Dagenham Dustbin,
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badpenny
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Re: Nothing to do with slots but definitely Engineering.

Post by badpenny »

Jonesthegarage wrote:........ the alternate name of the Ford Cortina which some of you may remember was the Dagenham Dustbin

Indeed it was and following on from that, due to us no longer having a steel industry (Sheffield is now just one big shopping centre) anything metal made here is now referred to as being made out of Crushed Cortinas.

British Industry, the cycle deteriorates.
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