Scotland

[jonesthegarage]

Stuart Slotalot you've already achieved independence - I believe Yorkshire folk consider themselves to be a separate country and you think the "Western Front" is the Pennines

[slotalot]

Stuart Slotalot you've already achieved independence - I believe Yorkshire folk consider themselves to be a separate country and you think the "Western Front" is the Pennines

Yes but we still do missionary work for the less fortunate in places like Blackpool.... ......

[operator bell]

Well that went the way I expected, and by twice the margin the polls were predicting. Now that ridiculous and expensive circus is out of the way it's time to address a far graver injustice.

Scotland already has its own assembly, in which bluiddy sassenachs don't get to vote and which can't be kicked around by Westminster. So does Wales. So does Northern Ireland. However, the Scots, the Welsh and the Irish all have a say over the government of England.

Isn't it time there was an English Assembly?

I believe there needs to be a referendum to establish an English national assembly. England demands the right to self-determination, free from the tyranny of Westminster with its self-interested Scots, Welsh and Irish contingents. Devolution Now, say I. Why should we subject ourselves to the corrupt bottomless pit of Westminster, which does nothing for us except to subject us to punitive taxation and pointless regulations about wheelie bins, and exists only to squander our wealth on feckless provinces and foreign entanglements of no benefit to an Englishman? Let us restore the ancient houses of York, Lancaster and Wessex and proudly declare our independence from corrupt Scottish, Irish, Welsh and Westminsterish hegemony.

FREEDOM!

[youngerap]

What a wind-up, OP!

Now, stop encouraging the feckless political classes to reproduce out into the Counties. We already waste far too much money on Labour's failed devolution experiment as it is. All that is needed is a simple rule at Westminster: for devolved matters, only MPs from the affected country / countries can take part in debate and voting. When the subject matter affects the entire UK, MPs from all of the UK will be welcome.

Simples.

Fair.

And cheap.

With no need for yet more bloody, self-serving, lying bastard politicians.

[operator bell]

Actually, after posting the above I learned I'd been scooped by the Daily Mail. Oh the humiliation! Since I found the Mail article on a blog, I don't know if it's real or not - the absence of a Red Top and a dateline suggests otherwise - but it's the internet! Everything on the internet is true.