Last night, actually early this morning around 02.30 I earned my Dozy Old Fart Badge.
This is a cautionary tale for anyone collecting slots in Lincoln.
Being Halloween one might be expected to bump into ghosts and ghouls down the pub, but I was thrilled to spot out the bedroom window a Zombie aged about 17 lurching his way through the contents of my van.
Having taken a liking to my Makita boxed Drill and a couple of other trinkets that he’d stumbled across he promenaded off in no particular hurry. It’s likely the weight he was carrying slowed him down somewhat; for I had time to get dressed, go to the toilet and consider another coffee before departing in order to chat with him.
Leaving Sally to phone The Rozzers I followed him down the road as he continued molesting car door handles. As he needed to put my tool box down each time I soon caught up with him.
What happened next applies equally to collectors of Allwins and Pintables.
Retrieving my gear from the pavement where he’d plonked it whilst he wrestled with a Ford Fiesta I attracted his attention by cordially greeting him.
“Excuse me young sir, I am aware we have never dined together and therefore we have not been formally introduced. Allow me to remedy that situation, I am the sad bastard whose van you’ve just turned over and so long as it’s ok with you I’m relieving you of my electric drill as it’s how I earn my living and I’m not ecstatic at the thought of buying another one”
Anyhoo I’m sure that’s how I described it the 12 year old copper that responded to Sally’s nine double nine shout simply lots of hours later, and after I'd spent three and a half hours leaking blood over the floor of Accident & Emergency. So we’ll leave it at that version.
The description I gave was quite detailed.
He was about 17, white, one of the living dead and has atikaM embossed on the side of his face. He can also demonstrate a fair turn of speed.
The Constable asked me if I’d identify him in a line up parade.
Of course I could
I merrily confirmed, so long as his face is painted in make-up to resemble a Hollywood Zombie, I’d know him anywhere, especially if the others were dressed to look like other Film Characters, perhaps E.T. a couple of Storm Troopers and a random selection of Disney Characters would suffice.
Sadly he wasn’t optimistic of an outcome.
Today I went to Spec Saver Express Vision – new glasses in under an hour – rock bottom prices – and special deals. It seems those deals didn't apply to me; but the good news is that for a mere £400 I can have replacements in probably a couple to three weeks. The biggest issue is the measurements and shape of my face today.
Hopefully they'll be different by then.
The little scrote didn't break my glasses by the way, the police did when they arrived and parked their Jam Sandwich Car on top of them!
Now what was Mr Peterson asking about GB and it's long term destination recently?