It's nearly over

[operator bell]

Thank dog, in less than 24 hours our four-year election campaign finally comes to an end. I shall finally get a respite from the tidal waves of crap that are breaking over me, thanks to being a non-partisan registered voter in a swing state.

Imagine, six or eight commercial breaks an hour packed end to end with political ads, none of them containing a single fact, just character assassination. Four to six robo-calls an hour, nobody there except a recorded message if I pick up, until I turn the ringer off and just don't use the phone any more. My mailbox is full of election crap every day, consisting (like the TV ads) of nothing but slander and libel, most of it sent by groups with names starting "Americans for ..." - like anyone believes they're people, and not corporations and plutocrats. I don't read it, I don't even count it - I weigh it. I can't even get to work every day because I have to drive past the airport, and every time one of the contenders is in town - which is every couple of days - they close all the roads in case some fed-up citizen takes a pot shot at their planes.

So tomorrow I get to cast my vote - multiple votes, actually. Do I vote for the ineffective incumbent, or the religious zealot? At least I know what the incumbent stands for - the challenger has yet to explain anything. For congress, do I vote for the party in power, or the party that used to be in power and screwed it up last time? This would be a much easier decision if the party in power didn't appoint to the House Science Committee, three people who think the world is only 6000 years old, and one who says Science is the work of Satan. But look, here's an interesting question, down in the "propositions": Do I want my property taxes increased by 22%? Hmmm, decisions, decisions. I think I'll have to say ... no.

After polling closes tomorrow - today, now - it will be the lawyers' turn, as millions and millions are spent challenging the results. Having been brought up in Britain, I always thought there was a thing in elections called "losing", but apparently there isn't in America - just the other side cheating, or the dumb public not giving you adequate recognition for the amount of money you spent trying to buy the damn thing. But with any luck, either the appeals will run out, or one side will give up, and we'll get a decision by January.

Just in time to kick off the next campaign for the election in 2016.

[arrgee]

I get totally peed off with the US election coverage over here in England, I wonder how much air time is spent on US tv covering our elections.

Still I always maintain that America has got the best politicians money can buy.

[badpenny]

Interesting to see the reality from your perspective Op Bell.

From what we see about it on the hourly news over here I merely thought it was a tinsel parade involving those who failed the grade for Central Casting due to their inability to display sincerity without insulting everyone's intelligence.

No wonder everyone in Americaland is allowed a gun ...... if only to blow their own brains out.

If you need a bolt hole you're always welcome back in the land where politicians are better know for skinning the electorate through their expenses, showing an unhealthy interest in kids in children's homes or the current one ........

Serving MP stops attending Parliament for weeks to take part in TV Show in Australia

Shall I make up the spare room?

Badpenny

[john t peterson]

Operator Bell is completely correct; as a political nation, we're a mess. It's said you get the politicians you deserve. In that case, God save America. There was one bright proposal that I received from my sister:

"Subject: This is perfect! E.S.A

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've
decided we're leaving.

We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the
other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon,
Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of
the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially
to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America
(E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a
bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the
country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92%
of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can
serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of
the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living
redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools
plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese
Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US
mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99%
of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush
Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by
a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that
Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you
are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America"

I'm in Minnesota, one of the Blue States so I get to join the ESA. In stating the positives, they forgot to mention that the vast majority of the craft breweries are now in the ESA too. Cheers!

J Peterson
American for a better America

[badpenny]

Sounds to me JTP like yow'all jumped into your civil war without thinking it through?

Snopes advises this didn't originate with John Cleese and I see it now has a reply added to the end of it, still love it though

[operator bell]

I get totally peed off with the US election coverage over here in England, I wonder how much air time is spent on US tv covering our elections.

To answer the second point first, none, to a first approximation. You mean to say you have elections over there? American TV viewers are under the impression you choose your leaders by riot - kind of trial by combat. In fact, there have been rumblings that unless you step up your support for our Holy Wars, we'll bring democracy to your country.

At least you have only been exposed to the general election coverage, whereas we spent an additional year going through the "primary season", of which one commentator wrote:

"President Obama's fairly grim, toothless, meandering and perfunctory presidency gained excellent contrast from an assemblage of GOP candidates so demented and corrupt that even to so describe them would be an insult to the many hard-working demented and corrupt politicians extant today. It was an array of desperate, shambling criminals that may have been unprecedented, even in the stinking cesspool of American politics, in its lunatic evil."

[badpenny]

I'm in favour of the way the Russians chose their leaders: -

* Quickly

* Quietly

* In advance of the election.